


First Kiss - Book Four - Again

by BettyHT



Series: First Kiss [4]
Category: Bonanza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 05:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16382102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BettyHT/pseuds/BettyHT
Summary: This is the fourth story in the First Kiss series: a cattle drive, a horse sale, the desert, outlaws, a desert rat, and all sorts of trouble for the family in this one before it all gets sorted out.  This concluded the Bonanza Brand Bonano and NaNoWriMo story challenges.





	First Kiss - Book Four - Again

First Kiss Again

Chapter 1

With a wave of his hat, Ben Cartwright started the cattle drive he never thought he would do again. A few years earlier, he had passed this responsibility to his sons and never regretted the decision. However, events had conspired against him and forced him into the saddle once more. At least he no longer had to think about going over the mountains. This was a much simpler drive only going to Reno to sell the cattle, which would be shipped out from there. Watching Adam leading the herd, he had to smile because he knew that his oldest son was almost as reluctant to do this as he was. The contract to deliver horses to the Army in Wyoming though had to be met, and Hoss and Joe were doing that. Hoss and Candy had been set to lead the drive, but Candy had hurt his ankle so severely during the roundup that he was unable to ride. Then the hand who was supposed to help Joe with the horses broke some ribs trying to break the last of the horses for the contract. As a result, Ben and Adam had been drafted to take over the drive so Hoss and Joe could take the horses to the Army. Gazing at the clear blue sky and breathing the fresh air, Ben decided that perhaps a couple of weeks on a drive and getting a chance to be with Adam as his partner again was worth the aches and pains he knew he would get as a result of sleeping in a bedroll and riding all day every day for weeks.

Even though Hoss and Joe had further to go, the horses could take the travel better so they would make much better time. The plan was for the four of them to rendezvous in Reno. That was something too that Ben happily anticipated because the four of them rarely did anything together anymore or at least just the four of them. With Adam married and Hoss set to wed in a few weeks, Anita and Pamela were always included in outings. Ben and Miriam were getting along well too so she was frequently present too. Sometimes Bethany accompanied Joe on outings and to family events too. So it was rare for Ben to have the opportunity to talk with his sons only. This trip was going to give him that chance. He looked forward to it.

Not looking forward to these few weeks at all, Anita was nervous about Adam being gone especially because the rest of the family was going to be gone as well. As a team, she and Adam had been operating businesses owned by her father from Nevada to California. They had a tested method of operation with Adam being intimidating while Anita cajoled and in general ferreted out information that Adam was not able to get. Between the two of them, they were able to usually know just about everything that was happening in any of the operations they oversaw. Left on her own, she was going to have to do it all, and that made her uneasy.

"Anita, it's only going to be a few weeks. If there's something important, table it until I get back if you don't want to make a decision. If it's an emergency, consult with the men we know we can trust and do your best."

"I don't trust me though."

"I trust you." With that, Adam had hugged her, which had led to more, and those kinds of sessions often made him late for meetings. With her head resting on his shoulder when they finished making love, he was always reluctant to break the connection. However he had to leave much sooner than he wanted to leave whenever the tryst was in the morning especially when he was late again and his father was expecting him. In this case, it was the cattle drive, but the small smirk on Ben's face let Adam know the thirty-minute delay he had caused wasn't a problem in his father's eyes. That small smile was there because he remembered being a husband especially one who had not been married a full year yet. Although Ben would miss his lady friend Miriam, their relationship was still developing and he usually only saw her on Saturdays and Sundays. He hoped that there would possibly be more in the future, but it was a satisfying situation for the time being. When he got back, he planned to have a discussion with her at some point about possibly having more of a future together if she was willing. He guessed that Hoss was going to be missing his fiancé far more especially with his wedding set to occur only weeks after they were due to return. Meanwhile though the drive and the horse sale needed to be done.

With dry weather and reasonably cooperative cattle, the first day of the drive went well. Because similar conditions continued, the whole first week went well letting them relax into a routine. In the evenings, Adam pulled his guitar from the wagon that carried the bedrolls and led some singing around the campfire after he and his father discussed the plan for the next day. There wasn't much for the cattle to use for grazing, and water was limited so the herd was spread out quite a bit. That meant that more men had to be out each night on duty so the progress they made each day was more limited than usual so that the men weren't overworked. Ben and Adam were well aware that men who were overtired could make mistakes, and those mistakes could cause life-threatening injuries when they happened on a cattle drive. They took their time so the cattle would arrive in good condition and the men would be safe. A week into the drive, Adam sat by the campfire sipping a cup of coffee waiting patiently for his father to look over the map for the route for the next few days.

"You certainly have changed, son." All he got in response was a quirked up eyebrow so he continued. "I remember the drives when you were leaning over my shoulder pointing out routes and alternatives suggesting which ones were better than others. You also pushed to get us to move faster almost every day for weeks."

"It was the mountains, Pa. I didn't like the mountains. There were too many variables."

"Yes, I remember some of those problems. They don't seem so bad now that time has intervened."

"Yes, memories are good that way. Pain does seem to diminish from most memories while the joy and love stays as strong as ever. Memories can go both ways, both good and bad."

"You have some bad memories you've never been able to let go though, haven't you?" Adam said nothing, which was answer enough. "I've noticed that you seem even quieter the last two days as the terrain has become more like a desert than anything. Has this brought back especially difficult memories?" Ben knew some of what had happened when Kane had held Adam as a prisoner and used him as a beast of burden and forced labor in the desert. Adam had never shared all the details of his ordeal especially the emotional and mental anguish to which he was subjected, but Ben could guess that he had suffered more than physical abuse. His condition and his reactions to events after that terrible episode in his life had let his family know that he was marked forever in some ways. Even now he could see how Adam struggled to formulate an answer to his question.

"I try not to think about it. Even with years to forget, the memories cause me to have nightmares. The only way I can deal with it is to forget."

"Son, to be as completely honest with you as I can, trying to forget it as a way to deal with it doesn't seem to be working if you're still having nightmares about it when memories surface." With only a moment's hesitation, Ben had an insight then that he shared. "So that explains why you woke up with a shout two nights ago and then rode out to do nightherd duty when it wasn't your turn. You told me you couldn't sleep."

"It wasn't a lie."

"It wasn't a lie except for leaving out an important part of why you couldn't sleep. Then against my advice, you took nightherd duty again last night. Is it your plan to use exhaustion as a way to get to sleep?"

Caught outright in that, Adam had only a simple response. "It works."

Leaning back against his saddle, Ben thought back to the night rides and late night reading his son did even when he had put in long days of work. "You've been doing something similar quite often over the years, haven't you?" Not expecting an answer, he didn't wait for one. "What does Anita think about all of this?" When he saw those arms wrapped across that broad chest and that closed off look, he knew. "You haven't told her about it."

"Pa, it was a long time ago."

"Maybe it was, but it's still affecting you. She has a right to know."

Silence lingered for a time before Adam responded. "I don't know how I could tell her."

"You should find a way to tell her because something like this is too important to let lie. If she's to understand you and know how to help you when you have nightmares, she needs to know why you have them." Sitting very quietly, Adam was looking off into the distance. "Son, maybe if I talked to her first and told her what I know, that could be a way to start the conversation between the two of you."

In a gesture that let Ben know he was thinking about it, Adam rubbed the back of his neck before breathing deeply. "Pa, let me think about that. At this point, I don't have a better idea so that may be the best way to go, but let me think about it for a while first. All right?"

"All right, son, you think about it, but I don't think you're going to come up with anything better or you already would have. I know how smart you are, but this is something you may need some help getting done."

"Thanks, Pa."

Over the next two weeks, they had more conversations about memories but focused on happier times including some of the pleasant memories they had of Inger and Marie as well as some of the funny stories about Hoss and Joe and the crazy shenanigans they had entangled themselves in when they were younger. Both laughed and agreed that those days were probably not done yet either. On the last night before they reached the stock holding areas near Reno, Adam said only one thing to his father about his memories, but it was significant.

"Pa, I would appreciate it if you would find the time to talk with Anita about some of the worst things that have happened to me in the past. She's a smart lady so she'll know how to ask some diplomatic questions about what happened. It will open up more communication for us."

"I'll do that, son, and I'll tell her that I have your permission to speak to her about these things. You can trust me to only tell her what I know based on what you have told me. If she wants to know more, she'll have to talk to you."

"That sounds good."

When Ben and Adam met Hoss and Joe in Reno, the two younger brothers were a bit surprised at how relaxed and happy the two older men were. They had expected them to be somewhat surly after the rigors of the drive even if it was a short one, but instead, they were jovial and ready to have some fun as a family. The cattle were sold over a couple of days and the drafts for the sale of the cattle and the horses were sent by Wells Fargo to the bank in Virginia City.

However, no one other than the four of them knew that they were not carrying anything of value when they left Reno for the ride home. The five men who trailed them out of town thought they were going to have a profitable excursion once they found a good place to bushwhack the four Cartwrights and relieve them of what the outlaws assumed was payment for two contracts. With no reason to worry, Ben and his sons didn't take precautions setting themselves up as easy marks.

Chapter 2

As much as Ben had enjoyed the time with Adam on the cattle drive despite the hardships, he enjoyed the time with all three sons even more. They had decided to ride cross-country to take a shorter route home so they saw no other people and had time to talk with each other on a leisurely ride. Sleeping on the ground that first night didn't even bother him as the evening had been so pleasant hearing the excitement in Joe's voice as he talked of delivering the horses to the Army and the praise they had for the quality of the horses. Then Hoss punched a few holes in Joe's story with his usual downhome humor and subtle charm. Adam had been leaning back listening to all of it and praised his youngest brother for all that he had accomplished. They had replayed the time in Reno from dinner to drinks in the saloons describing the ladies as well as a few shady characters they had seen with comical descriptions of all. When it was time to turn in, all of them were in a good mood and slept well. However the morning didn't go nearly as well. When they awoke, it was to gunshots and they had rifles poked in their faces before they had a chance to get out of their bedrolls. Told to get up slowly, they were disarmed and ordered to stand off to the side. Ben saw that Adam was missing.

"Where's my other son, Adam?"

"Ya mean the durn fool who got up early ta do his business? Well he tried to warn ya and run off this way. We scared 'im some with those shots ya heard, and we got 'im tied up now. What ya really gots to worry about is handing over the money ya got for the cattle ya sold and the horses them other two done sold. Ya do that and ya won't have ta worry 'bout none a yore boys now."

"I don't have that money. I sent the drafts by Wells Fargo to Virginia City three days ago."

The man who had been speaking used his rifle butt to slam Ben in the chest and knock him back.

"Now that be a sample of what all of ya are gonna git ifn ya was to lie to us sum more. Where's that money?"

"You can hit me again, but I told you the truth. The money is probably in a Virginia City bank already because I sent it by Wells Fargo."

The man who obviously led the group stood there as three others waited for what he would say. He called for another man to bring Adam to the campsite. When Adam appeared, he had a rope wrapped around him and was shoved toward where the others were being guarded. With blood on one leg, it was clear he had been wounded, and he fell as soon as he was pushed forward. Hoss knelt immediately to take a look at the leg.

Through gritted teeth, Adam gave him his assessment. "I think it's a through-and-through."

"Yep, looks that way, but it's gonna need to be cleaned out and bandaged. It's bleeding a lot. I'll wrap a bandanna around it for now."

The outlaw leader waited for them to manage that as he thought about what to doand then announced his plan. "I'll shoot 'im agin ifn ya don't hand over the money."

Stepping in front of Hoss and Adam, Ben held out his hands. "I told you the truth. Search us. Search everything we have. There's no money here except for the small amount we have in our pockets. Take that and anything else we have of value. It's all we have."

Frowning, the outlaw leader gestured toward the bedrolls and saddlebags and the other four men began searching through everything. Then one by one they searched the four Cartwrights. When they turned to their leader when they were finished and confirmed that Ben had been telling the truth, the man seemed like he was angry enough to shoot Ben and his sons. Frustrated and angry, he didn't seem to know what to do. One of his men suggested quietly that they didn't want murder charges for nothing. The leader regarded that man with a steely gaze and then nodded.

"All right, pack up their stuff."

Nothing was spared as even their bedrolls were taken as was their foodsack and cooking utensils. When they picked up their canteens, Ben objected that they would die without them.

"Ya shoulda had somethin' for us then. Maybe ya kin find the road before ya die."

Laughing, the five outlaws packed up everything and led their four horses as they rode away. There was nothing Ben or his sons could do. They were stranded in the desert without food or horses although there was a small spring where they had camped. It wouldn't last long though with four of them using it, and there was no way for them to get food. They decided the best thing they could do was to try to walk back toward the road, but they knew it was days away because they had to travel on foot. Hoss suggested they drink as much as they could before they left.

"We probably still have one canteen." All of them turned in surprise at Adam's comment. "I had one with me when I went to do my business in the scrub. I meant to fill it and make coffee. I doubt they searched for it or saw it. We've got this rope too. Maybe it will come in handy at some point."

"We gotta take care of your leg too." Hoss reached down to help Adam stand but found Adam couldn't put much weight on his injured leg. "That's gonna make walking outta here a mite tougher."

They all knew what he meant. They would walk much slower because one of them at least would always be helping Adam walk and his stride would be quite short. They had no choice though. It had to be done. After helping Adam down to the small spring, Hoss used his hands to cup water to wash the wound. It wasn't the best method but the only one they had. Adam took off his coat so they could use his shirt as a bandage. He put his coat back on and buttoned it up because he was feeling a bit of a chill. Hoss noticed and assumed it was because of the shock of the wound and some weakness from blood loss. He didn't know that being accosted by outlaws in the desert and then stranded with nothing had put Adam on edge emotionally and mentally. It was the same thing that had happened to him before he was trapped by Kane in that desert rat's camp. In this case, he was wounded even though the wound wasn't serious, but the blood loss had made him light-headed.

As Ben led them on the walk that day, they found they could only manage about a mile before they had to rest. Helping Adam to walk was almost as exhausting as it was to Adam who had to try to walk on an injured leg. Hoss estimated that they had traveled about five miles by the time they had to stop for the day and settled in for the night at a natural outcropping of rocks. Huddled together for warmth as the temperature dropped at night, they all knew that at the pace they were setting, they weren't likely to get to the road. They had a small fire because each of them had been taught by their father to carry matches in their pocket so they each had a small tin of matches. They had refrained from drinking any water from the canteen hoping to find more and saving the canteen for more desperate straits, but as slow as they were going, it wouldn't matter. As the first signs of dawn began to show, Adam woke them and told them it was time to start walking so they could get more miles in before it got too hot.

"You should rest in the middle of the day, and then walk again until the sun sets."

"You're a talkin' like ya ain't comin' with us." Concerned about how Adam had phrased what he said, Hoss worried that he wanted to stay behind.

"You need to leave me here if any of us are going to make it."

"Adam, we are not leaving you behind." Ben was adamant.

"Pa, I've got matches, and if you leave the canteen, I'll have enough water for a couple of days. At least it will be enough to survive. Where we are, there's no danger of wild animals because there's no game out here. Stock up some wood for me to have a fire at night, and then walk as fast as you can so you can bring back help. If you don't, I won't make it and neither will any of you. The more I walk, the slower you go and the more blood I lose."

The last part made the most sense because they knew Adam had left a light blood trail the day, but they had nothing to sew the wound closed. Reluctant to leave him alone though, they hoped for a better solution.

"Pa, I could stay with Adam. You and Joe could walk fast to get help."

"Hoss, there isn't nearly enough water for two of us. Even if Joe stayed, there isn't enough water in one canteen. It's barely enough for me if I ration it out for three days. That's the limit, isn't it? If you can get to a road and find someone, you could get back here in three or four days. I can make it that long."

Frowning, Ben desperately wanted to argue with his son, but as usual, Adam had used logic to formulate his plan. There was no better solution. They had probably another twenty miles to go and if they went five miles per day, it would take them at least four more days to reach the road. It might be twenty-five miles and that would be five days. None of them could survive that long without water especially Adam who was wounded. Without him, they could travel twice as fast. They all knew it. Hoss put his hand on Joe's shoulder.

"Let's go find as much firewood as we can. It ain't gonna be easy, but these rocks here catch whatever the wind blows through so we can find enough."

Before they left, they stacked the wood they had found. Hoss stacked up loose rocks that Ben and Joe brought to him to make a wall to shelter Adam from the sun too. It was only about three feet high, but that was enough as he could lay behind it and escape the suns rays. He had the canteen too when they left. It broke their hearts, but they were determined to walk as fast as they could. The first day, Hoss estimated that they had pushed hard enough that they had made at least ten miles before they were forced to stop.

"Tomorrow, we kin start earlier. Ifn we kin keep up the pace, we might be in sight of that road by tomorrow night or the next morning. We might even be able to set a big fire to try to get somebody to notice."

"What I'd like to notice is some water. My tongue keeps sticking to the roof of my mouth and my lips are bleeding where they cracked." Joe was desperately thirsty already and couldn't imagine walking another ten miles without water.

"Jist before the sun went down, I thought I saw green up ahead. Now cattle drives sometimes come through here so there's probably some water nearby. I think we got past the worst of the desert. Tomorrow we'll have water."

Unable to even talk about that, Ben closed his eyes and prayed that Hoss was correct. He prayed for Adam too and hoped he was doing all right where he was.

Except Adam was no longer there. A desert rat by the name of Jelly had come upon him and found him unconscious. He had taken him to his camp and given him water and tucked him into a bedroll. He had removed the bandage from the leg and saw that it was infected so he had cleaned the wound and washed it with alcohol. Adam had awakened of course at that point, saw Jelly, looked around the camp at the lean-to, and the cave where Jelly took shelter in bad weather, and began screaming "No more games!" When Adam tried to get up to leave, Jelly tried to push him down, but Adam fought him. Jelly did the only thing he knew to do. He struck Adam and knocked him back into unconsciousness.

"Sorry to do that, mister, but you're a gonna die otherwise. I think the fever done made ya crazy. Tomorrow, I'm taking ya to the Porter ranch. Ya need more care than I kin give ya anyway."

The next morning, Jelly saw that a dust storm was approaching. He risked waking Adam to move him to the cave and got the same reaction he had gotten the night before and had to do the same thing again.

"Mister, something made ya plumb loco out there. Now I don't know ifn you're an outlaw or regular folks, but I'm gonna do what I kin ta save your life. Then I'm gonna be shed of you 'cause you is plain loco."

After riding out the dust storm in the cave, Jelly packed Adam back onto his travois and started out toward the Porter ranch. He figured they would take in the stranger and care for him even if he was loco. Jelly hoped that once he recovered, he would be fine. Miles away, Ben and his sons emerged from under their coats where they had taken refuge from the same dust storm. Then they headed to where Hoss thought they would find water, but now they were even more frightened for Adam wondering how he had fared in that dust storm with no one there to help him.

Chapter 3

When Ben and his sons reached the grove of trees that had shone green in the setting sun the night before, they found a large pond of fresh water. Cattle tracks showed that it was often used. They drank water slowly well aware that drinking too much too fast would make them retch. After about two hours there, Hoss suddenly stood and held a hand to his forehead. Joe thought he had overdone it with the water.

"If you retch, do it away from the water. I still want to drink a lot of this."

"No, I'm not sick. Dontcha hear that?"

"Hear what?" Joe stared at him as if he was crazy.

Standing with some effort though, Ben thought he heard it too. Then a small smile appeared. "It's cattle. It's a cattle drive. We're going to have help very soon."

With that kind of news, Joe forgot about the water and climbed to the first branch of a small tree looking into the distance. "Yes, I can see them. We better get out of the way. There are going to be some thirsty cattle coming in here soon."

The first to arrive were not the cattle though. Two riders came in with canteens to fill and were shocked to find three Cartwrights emerge from behind the trees. Ben and his sons were equally shocked to find who was leading the drive.

"Todd McCarren, we're so glad to see you."

"Ben, you don't know how glad I am to see you."

That surprised Ben who had to ask why.

"We've got five men tied up in the wagon with the bedrolls. They traipsed into our camp the other night wanting to sell us four horses, your horses. We recognized the horses right away. They wouldn't tell us where you were, and we were going to do some tracking, but the cattle had wiped out any tracks they had made. We were going to look along the way to see if we could pick up a trail, but that dust storm wiped out any chance of that."

"Thank you so much, Todd. If we could get our horses and some food, that would be much appreciated. We need to go back for Adam."

"I wondered where he was."

"They left us on foot out here with no water, and Adam was wounded. We had to leave him to get help. Now we need to get back to him."

Ben's guilt only increased as he saw the shocked look that Todd had. The young man was too polite to say anything, and of course, he didn't know all the circumstances. Wasting time trying to justify their actions wasn't going to help Adam, so Ben remained silent. Raising his hand, Ben was able to stop Joe who wanted to say something. Todd was gracious.

"Sure thing. Jason, ride back and tell them who we found. Saddle their horses and bring them up and bring a bag of food from the chuckwagon too." Turning back to Ben and his sons, Todd addressed the three. "How far do you have to go?"

"It's probably almost twenty miles." Ben looked to Hoss who nodded in agreement.

"Ben, we'll give you two extra horses from our remuda. With Sport, that gives you a change of horses. You might make it back to him today. The land is flat and the weather is good. The horses are in good shape."

Within a half hour, Ben and his two younger sons were headed back to where they had left Adam. It was clear though that Ben was weakened to much by the ordeal to maintain the pace that Hoss and Joe wanted to keep. Hoss had a suggestion.

"Joe, I think you oughta take Sport and ride ahead. You're the best rider here and Cochise and Sport are the best horses. Ifn anybody is gonna make it back there today, it's you. I'll stay with Pa. Ifn we can get there safely today, we will. Otherwise, we'll be there tomorrow as soon as we can."

"No, I don't want to split up my sons any more than they already are."

"Pa, Hoss is right. Adam's best chance is for one of us to get there today, and I'm the one who can do it. I'll take some of the food and be there before dark. There's a full moon so maybe you can make it, but know that I will be there for Adam no matter what."

With both sons in agreement, Ben couldn't fight them. Joe put some of the food in saddlebags and headed out. At a slower pace, Hoss and Ben followed. It was nearly ten before Hoss could see a campfire in the distance and knew that Joe had gotten there. He pointed out the campfire to his father who wanted to ride faster.

"No, we gotta be careful. We can't take any chances 'cause we already got one to take care of out here. We'll be there soon enough."

When they got to the camp, they were met by Joe and expected to hear good news. Joe didn't have any.

"Pa, Adam isn't here any more."

Sinking to his knees, Ben wrapped his arms around himself and asked if Joe could tell him how Adam died.

"He's not dead, at least not as far as I can tell. He isn't here any more."

"What do you mean he's not here any more? Where could he be?"

"I wish I knew. I rode around looking until it was too dark to see. I couldn't find anything. Of course with that dust storm, there were no tracks, but there was nothing else either. There's no sign of him."

"Joe, he could hardly walk even leaning on one of us, and none of that firewood was even a foot long so he had no cane and no crutch. How could he a walked outta here?"

"I don't know." Joe paused then because he didn't want to say the other thought that he had had. "There is a lot of sand piled up in places out there. Whatever happened probably happened soon after we left. Most of the firewood wasn't used and the canteen still had most of the water in it."

"The canteen was still here?" Ben's expression showed his shock.

"It was under the firewood just where we left it so it wouldn't be in the sun."

Hoss was frowning. "None of this makes any sense. A man who cain't walk leaves here but leaves behind the only water he has and manages to get so far away that you can't find any trace of him. It's crazy."

Ben stood and made a slow circle staring off into the distance as he turned. Hoss moved up beside him.

"Pa, we cain't do nothin' 'bout it tonight. You should try to eat something and get some rest. We'll find him in the morning."

Very quietly, Ben answered. "I won't eat until my son eats. He must be very weak and hungry by now."

Standing that way for probably a half hour, Ben reluctantly gave in to exhaustion and sat and then lay on his bedroll finally falling into a fitful sleep. It was only then that Hoss and Joe were able to close their eyes and sleep too. In the morning, they began a search that found nothing except an abandoned camp in the foothills about a half day's ride from the camp where they had left Adam.

"Pa, Adam could never have walked this far anyway. Me and Joe think we oughta go back over the ground we already covered. Maybe we missed somethin' out there."

"What you think is that one of those mounds of sand is covering your brother's body." Ben paused unwilling to admit what he now knew was probably the truth. "All right, let's go see what we can find."

After more days of searching, there was still no sign of Adam. Unwilling to give up, Ben led them to the nearest town. No one there had any news either. Still reluctant to quit the search, they checked in with the sheriff and had posters printed for distribution. Then there really wasn't anything else they could do. They began the trek for home disheartened and worried about how to tell Anita that her husband was missing and presumed dead. That kind of news was difficult enough, but the uncertainty of it made it even worse.

Many miles away, Adam was waking in a soft bed as a young woman spooned water into his mouth. He swallowed so she spooned in another. When he opened his eyes, she nearly dropped the spoon and the cup. She had been doing this for a full day and had gotten no reaction from the patient except that he would swallow small amounts. The doctor had said that was a good sign, but his opening his eyes was even better although she feared what he would do after what Jelly had told them about his reactions to him. As a precaution, he was tied to the bed, but she stood and moved away from him anyway wondering what he would do next. In a soft and gentle voice, he simply asked where he was surprising her.

"You're on the Porter ranch. I'm Elsa Porter. I've been taking care of you."

"Thank you." Then as he became more aware of his surroundings, he frowned and looked down at his chest and arms and then back at her. "Why am I tied? Did I do something wrong?"

"You had a bad fever. Jelly said you acted kinda crazy, and we were afraid of what you would do when you woke up."

"Who's Jelly?"

"He found you in the desert."

"The desert?"

"Yes, you were wounded and unconscious. He took you to his camp and saved you, but he couldn't fix up your wound proper like so he brung you here. We called the doctor for you, and he cleaned out that wound in your leg. Your fever started to go down right away it seemed."

"I don't remember any of that."

"What do you remember?"

Frowning in concentration, Adam tried to remember, but everything seemed so hazy. "I can't seem to remember much. I'm a cowboy, and I think I was working a cattle drive."

"What ranch were you working for?"

"I don't remember."

"What's your name? Maybe we can contact the stockyards in Reno, and they can see if anyone is missing a drover."

"Ah, that's a bit hazy too. I think my name is Aaron."

"Aaron what?"

"Hmm, maybe it's Aaron Wright. Yes, I think my name is Aaron Wright, and I'm a cowboy, and I can break horses too."

"Well, if we can't find where you belong, we could sure use you around here. We're always looking for hands here especially horsebreakers. I'll let my Papa know."

"Can you untie me?"

"I'll have to go ask Papa about that." Elsa left then to go see her father, but she was smiling because she already liked the soft-spoken Aaron and thought there was a good chance he would be staying on. She told her father what he had said and how calm he had been.

With the good report from Elsa, Elias and Minnie Porter went up to see Aaron. They had been afraid that the man Jelly had brought to them might be an outlaw, but the quiet polite man in the bed who asked if he could please be untied didn't seem at all like the kind of man who would be an outlaw. Their conclusion was supported by the sheriff who came out that afternoon to tell them that he had looked through all his wanted posters, and none of them even vaguely resembled the man in the bed. He agreed that they could untie him. Before Elias left the room, Aaron had a request.

"Sir, I would be more comfortable if I was wearing something when Elsa was in the room. It doesn't seem proper for her to be in here with me when I'm bare-chested and all."

"That's a good point, Aaron. I'll get you one of my nightshirts to wear until you can move into the bunkhouse. Your pants are ruined and your shirt was torn up for a bandage so I'll find some of my old clothing for you to wear too. At least your boots are still in good repair."

"Thank you, sir."

Later when Elias and Minnie talked, they were positive in their feelings about Aaron. Both of them thought that he would be a positive addition to the ranch with his quiet and polite manner.

"Minnie, if he can do the work, he'll be a very welcome addition to the ragtag bunch we've managed to get to work here so far."

"He has such nice manners. His mother certainly raised him well. Maybe he'll have a good effect on the other men."

"It certainly couldn't hurt. He should be able to start some light work in a few days. He can move into the bunkhouse then, and away from Elsa."

"You saw it too then?"

"Yes, she has it in her eyes for him already. I understand it. He's a gentleman compared to the men she's met here on the ranch so far, but I don't want her taking up with a cowboy. We'll keep them apart as much as we can."

"On a ranch this small, that may be difficult."

"I know."

NOTE: Dissociative fugue is a psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality, and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state can last days, months or longer as the person may even assume a new identity. It can be the result of physical trauma and/or previous trauma among other things. First diagnosed in 1887 as a fugue state or dissociation. Previously cases such as that were often referred to as partial amnesia or reversible amnesia.

Chapter 4

As Adam assumed the new identity of Aaron after forgetting his past as Adam Cartwright, his family had to adjust to him being gone. Faced with another dramatic change in her life, Anita was shattered emotionally. She had a big house, a complicated business empire to run, and no one there to help her. At first, she wouldn't accept the news at all. Then as the days turned into weeks and then a month with no word at all, she reluctantly admitted that he wasn't coming back. Without a body or other concrete evidence of his death, she still held out hope that somehow he had survived and would find a way to come back to her. In moments of cold logic, she told herself that it was a hopeless dream, but she couldn't let it go. She prayed every night that it was true, but she stopped saying that to others as she appeared to accept that she was a widow.

Another doubter was Hoss. When he told Pamela the news, she stared at him and said only one thing.

"Hoss, I got a gut feeling, he ain't dead."

"Dadburnit, Pamela, I bin feeling the same way. I figured I'd know it ifn he was gone, and I don't feel it. In my gut, it feels like somethin' is terrible wrong, but he ain't dead. I jest cain't figure on what to do 'bout it."

"I guess praying is about all we can do. We gotta help Anita too, and your Pa."

"Yeah, Pa's takin' it awful hard. He don't want to do nothin' 'cept sit at his desk and bury his nose in the ledgers or sit in his chair and stare at the fire."

"Does Miriam help him any?"

"That's just it. He ain't been to see her much. He says she's a friend and not someone he should lay his burdens on. I guess he feels it would be too much to ask. Ifn you ask me, I think she'd be glad to offer him a shoulder to cry on. He shur needs one."

"A father isn't supposed to bury a son."

"No, he shouldn't, and what makes it worse is that he couldn't even do that. We never found nothing. It was like he disappeared out there. We put out posters with his name on it and a reward, but nobody has even sent a message asking 'bout it. There's been nothin' at'all."

"Hoss, maybe we should postpone our wedding."

"I thought about that too. I didn't really want to do it, but I thought out of respect, it was the right thing to do. Pa said no. He said we oughta go ahead and git married. He said Adam would want us to. Pa's right, you know. That was what Adam would say ifn he could." Hoss bent his head down then and the tears flowed.

Wrapping her arms around her fiancé, Pamela said nothing for a short time. "Hoss, let's delay the wedding a few weeks or a month out of respect and then get married and tell people it's what Adam would have wanted. That way we honor him and his memory."

"Ifn we wait a month from when we planned on it, then we'd be getting married near the anniversary of when my Mama married Pa."

"Oh, that would be sweet, don't you think. Maybe we should do that. It would give Anita some time to get herself together too."

"Yeah, this sure has been hard on her. Joe's been trying to help out over there, but he cain't do the business things Adam did so he's helping her hire some people."

"Isn't Franklin coming to help?"

"I guess not. He's been ill and can't travel right now. It's put an awful lot on her. That's why Joe is helping. He'll travel with her for now to help in any negotiations until she gets more experience with that. It's gonna put a strain on things here some times though."

"She's family."

"Yeah, and I'm wondering ifn there might be more family on the way."

"Really?"

"She got sick and threw up when we told her 'bout Adam. Now that didn't seem so strange, I guess, considering the news she got, but she's gotten sick and thrown up a bunch of times since according to Joe."

"I feel so sorry for her. This should be a time when she would be so happy, and instead, she's so sad."

"Joe says she's having a hard time being in that house alone too. Pa said she oughta come out here, but she said that would make things even harder on her."

"I know she was nervous about being alone while Adam was going to be gone on that drive, but now she's looking at years of being alone. After being kidnapped that time, she's got reason to worry too."

"Maybe we oughta think about getting her a bodyguard."

"Yes, but who would she trust enough. I mean, it would have to be a man, and what man would be trustworthy enough for her to trust him being there at night with her."

Hoss frowned for a time as he thought about that, but then smiled. He hadn't smiled in quite a while so Pamela wanted to know why.

"I think I know who could do that job. In fact, I think he'd like the job an awful lot. Nobody would dare do anything to try to harm Anita if he was around."

Pamela frowned too as she listened, but then she smiled too. "Let's go talk to your father about it. If he agrees, we can ask him. We'll have to get him some better clothes to wear, but you're right. I think he would love the job."

When they approached Ben with the idea, he was aghast at first. "I know he was good doing that kind of work at the party, but this will be in entirely different settings. He will be walking the halls of major companies and into board rooms."

"Yes, Pa, we know. We'll have to dress him up some, but he doesn't have to talk. He only has to look like nobody better mess with him so nobody better mess with her 'cause he's there. But she also visits mines and railyards and places like that. He'll be just as much of a help there."

Leaning back in his desk chair, Ben shook his head only slightly before he nodded. "If Anita likes the idea, you can ask him. Virgil as her bodyguard conjures up such an image that I almost can't imagine it happening, but you're right on one score. He would definitely accept it. He's been asking ever since we hired him how he could make things up to Adam, and he's been pretty down too with the news we brought back."

So the incongruous trio was set. Anita, Joe, and Virgil traveled to Sacramento the following week for negotiations on a new contract for their construction company there. At one point, Anita picked up the offer that had been made to her and walked to the back of the room summoning Joe and Virgil. She whispered a question to Virgil asking him if he could read the documents. He shook his head no. She told him it was all right. Then she went back to the table and told the men she couldn't accept the offer. Everyone in the room assumed that Virgil had vetoed the deal. They looked at him and his stern visage as they made several better offers. When Anita took the last one back for another meeting, she asked Virgil to smile. He did, and she took that offer back to the table telling the men she would accept it. That night, Joe and Anita explained what she had done and how important Virgil's appearance had been in intimidating the other men in the room. He was proud that he had been able to help.

Later however, Anita cried herself to sleep because Adam had been the one to play that intimidating role in previous negotiations. She hoped her baby would be a boy so she could name him after his father. About four months along in her pregnancy, she had been preparing to tell Adam when he returned from the drive, but he never came home. Having trouble imagining life without him, she found it easier to travel or to be in business meetings because it wasn't so obvious then that he wasn't there. At home, his absence was all she could feel all the time. It had been only the two of them in that house and in their bed so being alone there was more pronounced.

On the Porter ranch, Adam had some of the same feelings but didn't understand them. He was doing light duties on the ranch and expected to stay there although he knew they still had some doubts about him. That didn't bother him too much because he had doubts about himself. Although he believed that he was a ranch hand, he knew that the scars from bullet wounds and other injuries made it appear that he had lived a far more violent life. The men liked to speculate on what he had been citing outlaw as well as lawman and soldier. None of those ever seemed to fit his personality though so it was simply joking around when they did it. No one could reconcile the quiet soft-spoken man with the image of a tough outlaw, lawman, or soldier so they wondered about his background.

Down by the breaking corrals one day, they thought they had the answer to his past settled. A string a mustangs had been brought in and the men were taking turns trying to break them but without much success. None of the hands there was particularly good at that and lacked experience as well. Elias asked Adam if he would like to try it, and Adam agreed saying he thought he had done that before. When he got to the chute, it was clear to everyone there that he had by the way he moved and the way he settled himself on the horse. They knew from experience that if they had asked him about doing this, he wouldn't remember, but sometimes if they asked him to do something, he would do it as if the memory was there even if he couldn't recall it. This was one of those times. When he came out of the chute on the horse, his natural riding skills showed too. The horse was unable to buck him off and he fought the horse to a standstill but waved the two riders off knowing the horse was waiting for one more opportunity to fight him. It did, but he was ready. That was it. The horse gave up, and Adam was able to ride it to the side of the corral where the two riders hemmed it in so he could slide off the back safely. Men on all sides of the corral yelled out Aaron and various words of praise. He agreed to ride another, and before the day was done, he had ridden a number of horses to a similar standstill only being bucked off of one. Adam felt good about that, but that night as he slid into his bunk, he had the same feeling he did every night as if something was wrong. At those moments, when he lay back and closed his eyes, there were always hazy characters in his thoughts. They were never distinct and never spoke. He wondered who they were, but at least he thought he knew who he was. However that conclusion was challenged by an incident that occurred about two weeks after he arrived.

Most cowhands carried rifles and wore a sidearm. Adam had neither because he had arrived with nothing of value except the boots he wore, a coat, and a hat. His other clothing consisted of castoffs from Elias, and he used an old saddle and rode horses supplied by the ranch. If he lost the job, he would have had nothing except a month's pay. Elias didn't think it was safe for him to continue much longer without any weapon so he gave him an old pistol to use.

"It's worn, but it's got good balance, and it's accurate. Minnie bought me this new Colt so I don't need it no more, and you're welcome to it. Considering the scars you're carrying, I figure you probably at least know how to shoot it."

After Adam agreed that he probably did and strapped it on, the foreman thought some target practice would be good. The men were curious about Adam's shooting ability because it was always a surprise to find out what he could do. He had shown excellent horse breaking skills, could rope very well, and rode well, but wasn't very good at stringing barbed wire or stacking a stone wall without mortar. They wondered how good he was at shooting. The usual method was to put cans and bottles on a fence and shoot at them. They were a bit disappointed because Adam didn't do well with that. However Elias had seen how smoothly he drew his pistol. It was aiming and firing that seemed not to go well. He guessed that perhaps Adam was thinking about it too much and told him that. Then he had another idea. He thought perhaps he would do better if he reacted without thinking and did it out of habit.

"Aaron, we see a fair number of snakes around here. The men often practice shooting that would help them if they have a sidewinder to kill. We take a can and throw it, and the man draws and tries to hit the can as often as he can before the can stops moving."

"If you hit it, it never stops moving though. Isn't that true?"

The men including the foreman and Elias laughed. The foreman had a can in his hand and walked forward.

"Aaron, usually the first time a man tries this, he never even hits the can once or he hits it once and then no more. After some practice, they can usually hit it once or twice every time. Don't feel embarrassed if you miss it altogether. We've all done it." He waited as Adam finished reloading his pistol. "Ready?"

Then he threw the can. A short time later, there was silence as all the men were shocked. Adam had drawn faster than any of them could and had hit the can with each shot even popping it into the air with one shot and then hitting it there. None of them could shoot like that. The smoke gradually cleared from the shooting.

"Aaron, where the hell did you learn to shoot like that?" Elias was once again unsure of who his new man was or what he had been.

"I wish I knew." Adam was as honest as he could be. He still had no clear memories of his past. All he had were some certain ideas of who he was, but he had nothing to back up those assertions.

Chapter 5

Although Elias wasn't sure of Adam's background and whether he could be trusted, Elsa didn't care. She was sure that she was falling in love with him and tried to find time to be with Adam wherever he was. Touching his arm whenever she had the opportunity, she tried to get his attention as much as possible. His quiet reserve and soft-spoken nature appealed to her much more than the brash and bold men who typically worked on her father's ranch. Even though he grew a beard like the other men, he kept it trimmed and neat unlike the scraggly beards the others had. He seemed by nature to be a neat and careful man. She liked that very much.

One Saturday afternoon, she had him all to herself in the stable as he worked on repairing some bridles. As she watched him work, she chattered away because she liked to talk, and he was so quiet and listened to her so well, it was an opportunity she couldn't let go.

"Aaron, Papa doesn't think you're an outlaw any more." Adam raised an eyebrow as she said that, which made her smile because she had surprised him. "After he gave up thinking you were an outlaw, he thought maybe you were a lawman or a soldier, but now he doesn't think that either. Last night I heard him talking with Mama. He thinks maybe you were a scout for the Army. He says that would explain how you got those wounds and things. He told her you take orders well, but you don't have the look of a soldier."

"How does a soldier look?"

"Oh, Papa says they kind of snap to attention when somebody yells, and you don't. You kinda look up to see what they want. You're real calm like that all the time. That's the kind of thing Papa said a scout would need. Aaron, do you think maybe that's how you got wounded all those times? Maybe you were scouting for the Army when they were in the Indian wars. Do you remember anything like that, I mean all the shooting and fighting that would be in a battle?"

With a shrug, Adam didn't have any memory to support that or deny it at that point. All he could say was similar to what he said about a lot of the questions Elsa and others asked him about his past. "I don't know. I wish I could remember more, but all I ever get are hazy images and nothing I can recognize."

"Do you like it here?" Elsa slid off the bench on which she had been sitting and moved closer to Adam.

"I like it here."

"Do you think you'll be staying?" Elsa moved very close looking over Adam's arm at what he was doing.

"I feel good here. I don't see any reason to leave."

"You could make a good life here. I don't mind that you don't remember things. You could get new memories here, and they could all be good ones. Maybe you don't remember because all your memories are bad."

Leaning forward then, Elsa was looking up into Adam's face getting very close to him. The invitation she was giving to him was clear. Her hand was on his arm as she leaned into him more hoping he would kiss her. He was tempted, but pulled away reaching for another bridle not entirely sure why he did that. Her disappointment was obvious as he set one bridle down and reached for more leather pieces and strips stepping further away from her as he did so.

"Aaron, don't you like me?"

"I like you."

"Don't you like me enough to kiss me?"

Stopping his work then, Adam put his head down and put both hands on the wooden counter where he was working. He had to explain something to her that he didn't understand. "I wanted to kiss you just now. I wanted to do that very much."

"Why didn't you because that's what I wanted too? You're not afraid of my father, are you? He won't mind as long as I tell him it was my idea, and I wanted you to kiss me."

"It's not that. It feels like I'm doing something wrong. It feels wrong to want to kiss you, and it's like I know I shouldn't."

Frowning, Elsa stepped back. "Do you think you're married? Did you run away from your family?"

"I don't think I ran away from anyone. I was shot and left in the desert with nothing. Somebody must have wanted me dead. What I don't know is who or why. I don't know why it feels wrong to want to kiss a woman, but it does. I'm sorry if this sounds so foolish, but it's the truth. I don't know what else to say."

"Aaron, how long do you have to be faithful to a woman when you don't even know if she exists?"

With no answer for her, Adam remained silent on that issue. Outside the stable, the foreman nodded and walked up to the house to assure Elias and Minnie that nothing was happening in the stable that need worry them. He had been keeping an eye on Aaron every time Elsa was near him concerned as Elias and Minnie were that the older man might take advantage of the young woman who was infatuated with him. Clearly that was not the case. Although Elsa had thrown herself at the man, he had not succumbed to her charms. Another worry they had was that Aaron was faking his amnesia. Apparently that wasn't the case either for he had been sincere in his conversation with Elsa and his reasons for not kissing her fit with his story. Apparently Aaron Wright was telling the truth when he told them that he was stuck without memories of his past, and the foreman could tell them to trust the man. As far as the foreman could tell, Aaron would not harm their daughter.

Not one to give up easily and still quite taken with Adam, Elsa spent time with him when she could. Adam didn't mind the company although he tried to discourage her romantic notions about him telling her he was too old for her. She laughed when he talked like that.

"You don't even know how old you are."

"The gray hairs in my beard tell me that I'm too old for you."

"Lots of men get gray hairs in their beards even when they're still in their twenties. You might be like that."

"Elsa, I'm older than that. Everything about me says I'm quite a bit older than that."

"But I like you. Age doesn't matter so much if two people really like each other, does it? I mean, older and younger don't mean much if a man and a woman love each other."

"If they love each other, no it wouldn't matter too much then." Adam once again had those hazy memories flash by. He often wondered why they would appear at certain times. When he stopped talking, Elsa got curious.

"Are you remembering something again?"

With a shrug, Adam tried to make light of it. "Nothing I haven't remembered over and over but never well enough. I keep remembering these hazy figures, but I can never see the faces or hear the names. I don't know who they are. It's not like looking into your face and seeing your green eyes."

"Aaron, I don't have green eyes. My eyes are brown just like Mama and Papa."

Frowning, Adam looked at her and saw that she was correct. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said green."

"Maybe your mama had green eyes. Your eyes are kinda hazel so it could be."

"Yes, that's probably it." There wasn't much point to argue that conclusion except that Adam was wondering if one of those hazy figures of his memories had green eyes and wondered too if it was a woman. If it was a woman, was she his mother, his sister, his daughter, or his wife? It was the kind of question that haunted him because he had no answers.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Papa said that he's going to Reno to buy some horses. Some big ranch is bringing a string of horses to sell, and he wants to take a look at them to see if we want any here for breeding stock. You know he wants to improve our horses so he can have a horse ranch and sell horses here and in California. He thinks they'll probably have some good ones if they're bringing them all the way from Virginia City to Reno, and he wants you to go along to help him decide which ones to buy. He said you're the best judge of horseflesh on this ranch."

"When is he going?"

"In about a week."

So Adam looked over the horses on the ranch that week to get an idea of what kind of breeding stock would have the best impact on the herd they had. By the time he and Elias headed out on the trip to Reno, he had a good idea of what they should be looking to buy at the sale and told Elias what he had concluded.

"You need a stallion with some height. Most of your horses are too short. They're good for cutting cattle, but you don't have horses that people will want for other purposes. You need some brood mares with more muscle too. Most of yours are lean because they've been in the desert a lot, but for working ranches in California, they'll need to be more muscular."

"Aaron, I never would have thought to do that. You plan real well. I like that."

On the Ponderosa and in Virginia City, plans had been underway too for the trip to Reno during those weeks before Adam and Elias headed toward Reno. There were some business concerns that Anita needed to investigate and resolve in Reno, but the thought of traveling through the area where Adam had disappeared and probably died shook her so much she was unable to even contemplate a stage ride or even a ride on the new spur railroad line there. The Ponderosa needed an infusion of cash too so Joe had suggested that they sell some of their older breeding stock which were still valuable. The two interests merged with the news that there was a strong horse market emerging in Reno. Ben suggested that the large Ponderosa carriage could be used to transport Anita while he and his sons drove the horses. Helping Anita feel better about the plan was that Virgil would drive the carriage and provide additional help should there be trouble. Then the thing that clinched the deal for her and the others was what Ben proposed to do on the way home.

"We won't be pressed for time on the way home. I think we should stop and hold a memorial service for Adam with the five of us. I know it won't be the same as a church service, but I think we need to do something as a family to help us remember him and to say what we feel we need to say."

When Ben proposed that, Hop Sing suggested that on such a trip, he ought to come along too. He said he could drive a wagon with supplies and could carry a tent and more comfortable bedrolls for everyone. "Missy Anita be better with soft bedroll in wagon than on ground. Hop Sing do the cooking too."

Of course, Ben liked the idea of Hop Sing cooking and the extra comfort of thicker bedrolls so he agreed. The plan was put into play the next day with Ben going to town to order some flyers to be printed that could be distributed in towns in western Nevada alerting them to the sale of Ponderosa horses in Reno in a few weeks. Then he wired a seller in Reno to make arrangements for an auction at that time. When he got the response, he had the date added to his flyers and then when they were printed, he had them mailed out. Two weeks later, Hoss and Joe rounded up the horses they had decided to sell and organized them for the trip. They had thirty horses and decided they needed a couple extra hands to help so three more men accompanied them. That actually made all of them relax a bit more as outlaws were unlikely to attack a party that large especially if they saw the size of Hoss and Virgil in that group.

As they packed up everything to leave the Ponderosa for their trip to Reno, Hop Sing handed a flask and a small napkin bundle to Anita. She took them but frowned.

"Hop Sing, I can't drink any alcohol. I don't usually drink anything except a little wine at dinner."

"No, I give you warm tea. It help settle your stomach for trip. Biscuits in napkin. They help too. Hop Sing have many things with him to help so you not be sick so much. Baby need mother not to be sick so much."

Staring at him, Anita was at a loss for words. Ben stepped to the carriage.

"My dear, we all guessed. Joe saw you being sick quite often when he was helping you and traveling with you. Hoss and Pamela thought you seemed under the weather too. The signs were there. It could have been from grief, but when it persisted and was so regular, we could only draw another conclusion."

Squeezing her lips together as tears slid down her cheeks, Anita nodded. It took a moment before she could speak. "I was going to tell him when he got home from that drive."

Reaching over, Ben took her hand and held it between his. "And you didn't want to be out here at the ranch because we would know then?"

"Yes, I didn't want anyone to know then. Now it's five months, and it won't be a secret much longer."

"When we're in Reno, you can buy some wrap dresses. Marie did that to hide hers."

"Thank you. I'll do that. I just don't want a lot of people saying anything yet. It's too hard to talk about it."

"I understand, but know that any of us is here to listen if you want to talk."

"Thank you."

Within the hour, they were on their way to Reno. As they headed out, many miles away, Adam was working on the Porter ranch. In a few days, they were going to be packing up for a trip to Reno as well to possibly buy some of those horses. Elias had not yet shown the flyer to Adam. When he did, he was surprised by the younger man's reaction.

Chapter 6

Despite Elsa's pleas that she be allowed to travel to Reno too, the Porters were firm in their contention that it was a business trip and not one for her to have fun. Her father pointed out that they needed to focus on picking out some good horses and needed to concentrate on that.

"I know how you like to shop, and with all those people passing through, you'll be chattering away with folks all the time. I'll be spending all my time watching over you so you don't end up kidnapped and hauled off to some mining camp in California."

"Papa, I can take care of myself."

"Darling girl, no young lady can take care of herself in a town like Reno, and Aaron and I will be busy. Now that's my last word on the subject. We will be busy with the horse auction and then bringing the horses back here."

Once they were some distance from the ranch, Adam had a few words about that. "Thank you for keeping Elsa at home. Sir, I don't mean to be blunt, but she's, ah, interested in me. I don't know what to do about it."

"You think she's 'interested' in you. Hell, man, she wants to marry you. She asked me if I thought it was a good idea." Elias chuckled at the shocked expression Adam had. "Don't worry. I told her if you ever did think it was a good idea to ask her, I'd be prepared to say yes, but I told her you didn't seem like you were interested in that and would be asking anytime soon. Figured you got enough worries without a young gal like that. I told her all that so she ought to stop bothering you. Oh, I know it didn't do any good, but don't worry none. I know how things are."

"Sir, I've never done anything to encourage her to think that way."

"I know." Again Adam looked surprised. "I like to know what's going on right under my nose."

Thinking about it for only a minute, Adam nodded. "I suppose a good foreman would keep you informed."

Elias smiled again. "You are a smart one. Yep, he watches over things especially my daughter. He's looks on her like she's his own. Heck, he's worked for me since before she was born. He's part of the family."

Words 'part of the family' or similar phrases always brought up feelings in Adam that he was missing something. He knew he had memories he had lost and wanted them back, but wondering why he didn't remember never seemed to help. It was always at times like these when words or phrases in a conversation triggered something in him that the hazy visions returned. Elias saw the change in his demeanor.

"You remembering something?"

"Almost remembering something. So often that happens when something is said. It must be words that were important to me in my past, but I don't know why they were important. The memories always seem so close except I can't quite grab any of them. I don't know why that is."

"One of these days, you're going to remember. Minnie and I have prayed for you because we both like you. Even though we'd like you to stay on, we know you have a life that you left and maybe you'd like to go back to if you could remember it. Always know though that you're welcome at our ranch. You've been a boon to the ranch ever since Jelly brought you in from the desert." There was no mistaking the wince that word caused Adam to express. "Sorry for reminding you of that. I know you were shot and out of your head out there. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"I'm not sure that's the memory that bothers me. There seems to be a lot more to that, but I can't remember it any better than I can remember anything else." For a short time, Adam said nothing, but then asked Elias a question he had been thinking about for some time. "What did Jelly say exactly about me out there in the desert? I know it may be difficult for me to hear, but there might be a clue in there to help me remember something. I'd like to know anything you can remember him telling you."

"It's been a while now, so I may not remember all that he said, but I remember he said he found you by a rock outcropping in the desert. You were wounded and your shirt had been wrapped around your wound. You had your coat on tight, and you had a pile of firewood there, but he said you must have passed out and not got a fire going. He took you to his camp and cleaned you up some, and he had you resting under a lean-to. He said you didn't say anything, but he figured it was the fever. Then things took a turn for the worse 'cause he woke you when the dust storm came and wanted to take you into the cave he had there. When he went to move you, he said you got kinda crazy like, and he knocked you senseless to save your life. Then I guess after that when he tried to bring you here, you fought him again at least once, and he hit you at least a couple more times. I know you had a couple of bruises where he had to hit you. Now that probably didn't help your memory none either."

"I can't seem to remember any of that."

"With such a high fever at that point, I'm not surprised. When Jelly got you to us, Minnie and Elsa did all they could to bring that fever down. The only good part was that you would take water if they spooned it. They did all they could. The doc said that saved your life. He took care of the wound, and then you woke up a day or so later and you seemed not at all like Jelly had described. I don't remember it all exactly."

"Yes, I remember everything from that point on. Maybe now that you told me the rest, something more will come back to me."

"Oh, I remember one other thing now. Jelly said when he found you that there was a wall of stones set up to shield you from the sun. Now you were in no shape to do that. He said it seemed odd like someone had done that for you but then left you there."

"Maybe they planned to come back."

"Maybe. It kinda makes sense, but why didn't they leave more for you to use?"

Once more, Adam got hazy images and wondered if those were the men who had left him and not come back. He and Elias didn't speak any more about that, but that night as they sat at the campfire, Elias showed him the flyer about the horse sale. When Adam saw the word 'Ponderosa', he froze and stared at it unable to even read the rest of the flyer.

"You remembering something? Could that be the ranch where you worked?"

Slowly Adam put the flyer down. "Maybe." Until Elias had said something, he had thought he was going to remember something more, but all he remembered were trees and a lake. He told him that.

"Sounds like maybe you did work there. Well, when we meet up with them at the auction, maybe they can tell us if they recognize you."

For the next few days of travel, Adam was even quieter than usual. Elias didn't mind as he was a fairly quiet man himself. He guessed he would have plenty to talk about with Aaron on the return trip. On the last night before they arrived in Reno, Adam explained why he had been so quiet.

"I'm not sure my name is Aaron. It seems wrong. When I try to think about it, I can't tell you why, but every time I hear you say my name, I want to correct you except I don't know what to say."

"Seems like your memories are getting even more mixed up than they was before. Maybe when we're in Reno, you ought to see a doctor there and tell him your story. Maybe they got an answer for what's going on with you."

"I don't know that a doctor can tell me what I've forgotten. He can't see inside my head either."

Without any more conversation about that, they headed into Reno the next day and took a room. The horse auction was due to start the following day so they headed toward the stables to see if the horses had arrived yet. They were there, and again Adam got that same frozen look when he saw the brand because he knew he should remember something but couldn't. Hazy images were all that his mind would give him. As they turned to go back to the hotel, they walked toward a group of people coming their way. Elias noted two very large men especially one mountain of a man, a distinguished looking older man, a young man, and a young woman that he thought might be the young man's wife. As he was going to step out of their way, Adam stepped into their path seemingly on purpose. The mountain of a man moved to block him, but the woman grabbed his arm.

"Virgil, no." She stopped and stared at the bearded dark haired man who was staring intently at her. Stepping closer, she reached up to touch his cheek. "Adam?"

Putting his hands to his forehead, Adam dropped his head down as if he was in great pain. Then he looked back up and had tears in his eyes. He spoke very softly. "Anita." Reaching out a hand, he gently touched her cheek too before stepping closer to her and opened his arms to her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she enthusiastically returned the kiss he gave her. Once again, they shared a kiss on a public street and forgot where they were. It was Ben's voice softly saying his name that reminded him where he was.

"Adam. Adam. Son, where have you been?"

It was Anita who answered though when she and Adam broke the kiss. "Ben, this isn't a time for questions. Let's get Adam back to the hotel. He needs some peace and quiet, I think. Don't you think so?"

In the embrace with Adam, Anita could feel how fast his heart was beating. He was trembling somewhat too. She didn't want to say those things but knew he needed a chance to calm down before they found out what had happened. Turning to Elias, Adam beckoned for him to follow.

Elias didn't know anyone but guessed that Adam's memories had returned and rather abruptly. "I don't know if it's my place to be with you all."

Adam was insistent though wondering how he could ever tell this story without someone to fill in the missing pieces. "I need your help. I can't explain all of this without you. Please."

"Come with us. As my son said, we need to understand this, and if you can help, we would appreciate it." Ben offered his hand to the stranger who had been with Adam.

Once Elias agreed to go with them, the group headed to the hotel with Hoss and Joe exchanging looks wondering what was going on. Anita suggested that they might want to summon a doctor. Adam said he didn't need one, but Anita said she might. Ben immediately asked Joe and Hoss to find a doctor and bring him to the hotel. It was there a short time later that the assembled group started to hear the story. Adam told them that he didn't remember being in the desert at all, but Elias described his condition as Jelly had reported it. The doctor told them that if Adam had suffered from pain, blood loss, dehydration, and fever, it was not a surprise that he couldn't remember the experience in the desert. Then Elias told the story that Jelly had told of how Adam had gone crazy when Jelly tried to get him in the cave during the dust storm.

"Yeah, he said Aaron, I mean Adam, kept screaming things like 'No more games!' and things like that."

"You never told me that." Adam was frowning as he remembered that part of the story of his dispute with Kane.

"I only remembered that part now. I've been telling the story a couple of times now in my head because I knew they'd want to hear it all, and I remembered that part."

"Son, that's what you used to yell in your nightmares after your ordeal with Kane in the desert."

Ben wanted the doctor to know more of what Adam had endured at the hands of Kane. He had already told Anita that story but now he told a brief version of the story for the doctor as Anita nodded. Surprised at her reaction, Adam had to assume that she had learned about what had happened to him because she didn't seem at all shocked by any of what she heard. In fact, Ben and Anita had talked about Adam quite a bit over several meetings in the past month. She wanted to know more of Adam's past, and it helped both of them to talk about the man they had loved and thought they had lost. Now that information helped them to understand what had happened.

The doctor too wanted to know more about what had happened with Kane so Adam explained more of it briefly from his point of view. The doctor nodded several times as he listened and then told them to proceed with the rest of the current story. Once the whole story was told, the group turned to the doctor hoping he could explain all of it.

"I suppose you think I can give you some rational, logical explanation, but I can't. Doctors are only beginning to study things like this. What I can say is that the earlier trauma probably triggered the amnesia in this situation. I worked in the War, and often when soldiers went through particularly horrific battles, when similar situations occurred, they reacted as they had to the first one sometimes even becoming unconscious or wandering off forgetting where they were. I was at Gettysburg, and I have to tell you that some men took days to get back to their units. They were completely disoriented not remembering who they were or to what units they were assigned. Of course, the Army knew and got them back to their units. Without someone to help Adam, he had no way to get back."

"Doctor, this has been a couple of months." Ben was concerned about his son's future.

"And you're wondering what will happen next. What I can say is that if he is caught in a similar situation in the future, it could happen again. But the odds of that happening are so very small. It was such an odd thing that he ended up in such a similar circumstance to the time when he was held captive and tortured and abused. Here he was in the desert and found by a man who lived out there and took him to a desert camp, and the only reason he was going into that cave was because of a dust storm. If it hadn't been for those things, he would likely have recovered from the fever and returned home." Turning to Adam then, the doctor had a question. "How about your memories now? Do you remember everything?"

"I do. It all started rushing back when I saw Anita. It was a lot at first and it felt like my head was going to burst open, but now it's fine."

Saying 'fine' was something Adam's family recognized immediately as code for he was managing but things were not good. The doctor didn't know that and neither did Elias. They smiled thinking that all was well. The doctor left, but before Elias left, Adam asked if his family could make him a good deal on horses for all that he had done for him. Joe and Hoss left with Elias to help him with that. He was going to need some help getting horses back to his ranch so he had to hire a man to do that, however Ben said the Ponderosa hands could help him if he couldn't find a man to replace Adam right away. While they were gone, Adam talked about his time on the Porter ranch, what he had done there, and the recurrent hazy figures that he could not identify in his memories. Adam's brothers returned in a few hours to say they had made sure that Elias was happy and had made a good deal with him.

"Thank you. He took good care of me and treated me well."

At that point, Adam admitted that he had a headache and felt exhausted. He didn't want to sleep though because he wanted to find out what had happened while he had been gone. "I won't do anything. I'll sit here and you can talk. How about that?"

By the time everyone talked about things that had happened, hours had gone by, but he had learned most of what had happened. Surprised that Virgil was his wife's bodyguard, he did smile at that thinking about how well that had worked when she explained how she had used his presence to her advantage in negotiations. Joe especially wanted to ask more questions of Adam, but Ben said he would tell them what he had learned while he and Hoss were gone with Elias.

"We're all going to have to be patient. This is a shock to all of us, and we need to recognize that pushing too hard could have a negative impact on some. I can see that Adam needs to rest. There's more news he has to hear yet and he needs time with his wife too."

Quickly, Joe realized that his father meant that Adam probably didn't know yet about Anita's news. He was going to have to get used to another big change in his life soon. "Yeah, I guess I can wait. Maybe Adam should go to Anita's room, ah, their room. He can get cleaned up a bit, I mean, he can shave. He doesn't look right with that beard."

Reaching up to touch Adam's beard, Anita smiled. "I think he looks very distinguished. But you're right. He doesn't look like Adam with it."

"Can I borrow a shaving kit? I don't have one. Everyone on the Porter ranch had a beard."

With his father's shaving kit in hand, Adam went with Anita to their room. Once inside though, shaving became the second thing to do as the two of them held each other for a long time without speaking. It wasn't what they planned, but that eventually progressed to hugging and kissing, and then they moved to the bed to make love. As they lay in bed afterwards, Adam stroked his hand up and down Anita's back as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"When are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you?" Then she knew as she felt the rumble of the chuckle in his chest. "You could tell already?"

"Without any clothes on you, I was sure. When I was hugging you, I wondered, but in bed, I was sure."

"About five and a half months along now, I think. I was getting sick every morning, but that seems to be passing. Hop Sing has been helping me out. Oh, he doesn't know. He went to get supplies for the chuckwagon. He fed us so well on the way here."

"I'm sure he'll be told soon."

"I was going to tell you about the baby when you got back from the drive, and then you didn't come back."

Anita's voice broke then, and Adam held her as she cried. He felt his own tears begin to flow.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that. I don't know why I was so weak that I couldn't even remember my family and the woman I love more than anything in the world."

Crying, Anita held him as he held her, and their tears merged. "You're not weak. You survived another terrible ordeal, and you came back to me. We're going to be stronger than ever now."

"You forgive me then?"

"There's nothing to forgive. I love you."

Wrapped in his wife's loving embrace, Adam slept without nightmares or hazy dreams for the first time in years. They slept through the evening and woke only to take care of necessities. Then they fell asleep again. In the morning, both were famished so they dressed and headed down to the dining room. Ben was there to greet them. When he saw their smiles, he relaxed. All was well.

Chapter 7

Although Adam had taken the time to shave, he was still dressed in the clothing he had gotten from Elias Porter and that was a bit jarring to his family. After breakfast, gently, Ben suggested that perhaps he would like to do some shopping for clothing. Rather sheepishly Adam responded that he had very little money. Pay on the Porter ranch wasn't much and he had only been there a short time. However, Anita punched him in the arm drawing his attention and causing some chuckles by his father and brothers as well as Virgil.

"I have money. We have money. We'll do some shopping, and then we can go find Elias and say goodbye. I want to thank him too. I don't think I ever did that yesterday. So much happened so fast."

"We made shur he knew how much we thought of what he done. Me and Joe made sure he got some real good horses at a very nice price."

"Yeah, real nice."

A little suspicious then, Ben had to ask. "How 'real nice' was that deal you gave him?"

"Well since he wanted a lot of horses to improve his herd, we sold the lot of them to him 'cept for the oldest mares. He paid us all he had with him, and he's gonna pay us more with mustangs and some of the offspring he gets too over the next five years. Joe figured we'd get a better deal that way. So, we only have them mares for the auction, and we told the auction house we had more horses on the Ponderosa for sale."

"Yeah, Pa, after what Hoss and I did, they said they'd be happy to work with us anytime seeing as it was the easiest auction they have ever done. They got their money and hardly had to do any work. They said next time, buyers will be lining up ahead of time to make sure they get a chance at our stock after someone bought them up that way this time."

Sighing, Ben could only accept the terms as the deal was already made. Adam said nothing but the slight smile he was trying to hold back let his brothers know he approved of what they had done even if their father wasn't so sure it was a good bargain. After breakfast, Adam and Anita did some shopping as Ben and his younger sons went to the auction to see to the sale of the last mares. By noon, Adam was there too to bid goodbye to Elias, and Anita was there to offer her thanks for what Elias and his family had done for her husband.

"You know, my Elsa mentioned the green eyes once. He never forgot those."

Anita frowned when he said that so Elias knew he better explain.

"Elsa is my daughter. She tagged along behind Adam everywhere she could. He told her about the woman with the green eyes, and she told me. Aaron, ah, Adam tried real hard to remember who you were, but when I saw you, then I knew who he had been trying so hard to remember."

"Thank you for telling me. I'm glad too that you brought him back to me. I don't know when he would have remembered if you hadn't brought him here."

"We've been praying for him, so I guess it's Him above we ought to be thanking. Anyway, I think I might be seeing you again. I made a real good deal with Hoss and Joe. We'll be bringing horses your way in a year or so to start paying the rest of what I owe. With the horses I got now, I should have one of the best horse ranches in these parts."

After shaking Elias' hand one last time, Adam had only one piece of advice. "Elias, get yourself a good horse wrangler. Pay him enough to keep him there too."

"Yeah, I guess my pay is a little low. I'll see what I can do about that. Thank you, Aaron, I mean, Adam. I'll be seeing you."

After bidding farewell to Elias, Adam and Anita found the other family members and only then realized that Virgil had followed them all the way around that morning as he came up to them. Ben noted it, and Adam turned to see that it was in fact true.

"We don't need a bodyguard any more."

"Adam, maybe we do." Anita immediately challenged him before Virgil got too close to hear. "There are times when you're gone, and times when we travel. Don't forget that both of us were kidnapped once. I feel better with him around."

Frowning, Adam looked at Virgil and then at his father and brothers. Hoss and Joe shrugged because they sympathized more with Adam's position assuming that he thought he could take care of himself and protect his wife too. Ben was more conciliatory.

"Adam, for your wife's peace of mind, it's not that much of an imposition, is it? He doesn't cost much, and he's very loyal. She should tell you how she's used him as leverage in negotiations too."

Joe grinned at that one as Anita looked a little embarrassed about it.

"I don't want to talk about that when he's here. Adam, please don't make up your mind now. Think about it."

"What if I agree with Pa?"

"Oh, then go right ahead and make up your mind now."

"All right, I don't want to make any changes in anything until I can see what's been going on. I need some time. So, for now, Virgil stays."

It was a compromise, but a good one as he did need time to readjust. He knew he felt uneasy around his father and his brothers wondering what they thought of him because of what he thought of as his weakness. He was uneasy around them especially when they looked at him and said nothing because he imagined what they were thinking and assumed it wasn't good. It came to a head when he apologized to Hoss for missing his wedding.

"Well, first of all, that weren't your fault so there ain't no reason for no apologizing. Second, I didn't get married yet. Pamela and me postponed the wedding 'cause we thought you was gone and out of respect and all, we thought we should wait."

"I'm sorry, Hoss."

"There you go agin, being sorry. I'm tired a hearing that. You ain't got nothing ta be sorry about. Weren't your fault ya got shot and got a fever and had ta be left alone. None of that was your fault."

"But I couldn't remember you or anyone because of a silly cave and a desert rat."

"Listen, I heard that story of you and that Kane feller. You gotta get over that and forgive yourself for not being perfect and better at everything than everybody else. So, he tricked you. He got the best of you and treated you horribly. That's all on him not on you. The man deserved to hang. Instead you tried to save his life. Now you didn't have enough food or water so how you managed to even survive yourself, I don't know. Anybody would have nightmares about something like that. Nobody blames you so you got to stop blaming yourself."

Not one to make long speeches, Hoss was almost embarrassed to have talked so much in front of everyone and to have lectured his older brother in front of their father, their younger brother, and Adam's wife. Not knowing what to say, he waited for what he thought would be Adam's anger but got silence. Ben walked to Adam's side to put a hand on his shoulder.

"You've often said how wise your large brother is. He said some important things there. What do you think?"

Still Adam said nothing. Joe decided to add his opinion.

"C'mon Adam, you've been so quiet since you came back to us. Show us you still have some of that fire we know so well."

Shaking his head slightly, Adam turned to Joe first. "I can't. He's right, I think. I don't know. I'm not sure of a lot of things now." Turning to Hoss after leaving Joe speechless, Adam made his middle brother smile. "I glad I'll be able to be at your wedding. I look forward to making a toast to you and your bride."

"You better be ready to do a whole lot more than that. I want you standing right by my side when I say I do. Ifn I git nervous and start to keel on over, Joe ain't gonna be able to catch me all by hisself. He's gonna need some help."

"I'll be there, but for backup, maybe we ought to have Virgil standing by."

"Hey, now there ya go, older brother. That's the kind of planning I need ya for. Yep, that's a good one. Pa, that's a good plan, dontcha think?"

Of course Ben smiled with that suggestion because he enjoyed having his sons together and talking like that again. With that settled, they got back to some good-natured discussion of Hoss' wedding plans. As they talked and Hop Sing cooked, Anita slipped an arm through Adam's and stood by his side enjoying having him coming back step-by-step. She had known the experience had shaken his confidence in himself, but knew too that this time with his family would help. With more positive experiences, she was sure he would regain his former assurance in his own abilities, but for now, it was good to have his family there supporting him.

That night, Anita told Adam that she slept in the wagon when they camped which brought a big smile to his face, but she had a caution for him. "We can't do anything with everyone so close by."

"We can if we're quiet."

"I don't think I can be that quiet."

But they were and made quiet, gentle love to each other in the wagon as the others slept outside under the stars. Joe made some jokes about the wagon rocking, but it never did so his jokes fell flat. Inside the wagon, Adam and Anita could hear what he said so they were very quiet and chuckled a little later when they realized that no one probably knew what they had done. However in the morning, Ben asked Adam if he slept well but had that little smirk that indicated he knew quite well what he and his wife had done before sleeping.

"Yes, Pa, we slept very well, thank you."

"Good. Now, we should be able to make good time today. You can drive the carriage again, and we'll ride ahead and behind the carriage and the wagon. In a few days, we'll be home."

The trip went smoothly, and when they neared the Ponderosa, Joe and Hop Sing headed to the ranch house, but Ben and Hoss decided to accompany Adam and Anita to town even though Virgil was there too. They had decided to see Miriam and Pamela respectively without delay although Adam suggested they stop at his house to clean up before calling on their ladies. Joe planned to go to town later to call on Bethany. Knowing that a lot of people would be surprised to know he was alive, Adam decided to let Hoss and his father spread the news first. He planned to stay at home and catch up on business matters and personal matters first although he did ask his father to send a telegram to Franklin confirming that they had arrived in Virginia City. They had sent one from Reno to tell him that Adam was alive and well, and Anita was concerned that they had not received a reply.

After Ben and Hoss cleaned up, they headed to see their ladies. Ben had a plan in mind while Hoss had news for Pamela and wanted to talk about their wedding. That went well. At her shop, Miriam was surprised by Ben who walked in making the bell above the door ring. When she turned expecting Bethany to return from running some errands, she had no idea Ben would be there, and she wasn't sure how to react either after how he had shut her out for the previous couple of months.

"I've come to apologize and to tell you some good news. Then I would like to take you to dinner and discuss our future."

"Our future?"

"Yes, but first the apology. It was very wrong of me to wallow in my sorrow and keep you away. I should have let you help me. I only realized that about the time we were organizing the sale of some horses up in Reno. I planned to come see you after that was done to ask your forgiveness. Now, I have even more reason to talk to you. Adam is alive."

"Adam is alive."

So Ben had to explain the whole situation and how they had found Adam in Reno. "He returned with us, and he and Anita are at their house. He thought Hoss and I could start telling people so that there wouldn't be quite so many stares when he walks or drives through town tomorrow."

"I think that there will still be a lot of people staring."

"I agree, but at least they will have heard the story. I want to talk to Doctor Martin about it too to see if he knows any more about this kind of condition."

"You're still worried about him, aren't you?"

"Yes, I have to admit I am. He seemed not quite himself on the trip back. He's quieter and not as confident. I'd like to ask Paul what he thinks about that."

"Perhaps he needs time."

"I'm sure he does, but I wonder if he needs something more or if he has been changed by this."

"Everything we experience changes us."

"Yes, it does. I know now that I shouldn't be wasting time. You shouldn't either. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. We should start living today. I want to have a closer relationship with you. I want you on my arm, and if you'll have me, I want you as my wife."

"Ben, this is rather sudden."

"No, Miriam, it isn't. We've known each other for quite a while now. I know you needed time, but there's been quite a lot of time. I think you need to make a decision. Are you willing to look forward now?"

Miriam took a deep breath and let it out slowly as her heart was pounding. Knowing what he was asking of her, she wasn't sure she was ready to give him an answer but sensed that he needed to have an answer. She didn't want to risk losing him, and as she realized that, she knew that she was ready to answer. "Yes, Ben, I'm ready."

There was nothing left to do but to kiss and seal their agreement. After a short time, Miriam pulled away. "Ben, customers could still come in and Bethany is due back soon. Unless you want to announce this tonight, we should probably think about being a bit more circumspect. Do you think announcing our plans at Hoss' wedding party would be appropriate as Adam announced Hoss' betrothal at the end of his party?"

"That sounds like a wonderful plan. Hoss is getting married in less than two weeks so that's not a long time to wait."

"Until then, it will be our secret."

"Yes, it will. Now, did you know about Anita's secret?" Miriam smiled so Ben knew she knew. They discussed that and how much better it was now that Adam was back.

There was one more surprise before Hoss' wedding. Franklin arrived in town. He had been ill and worried about his daughter. Then when news of Adam reappearing arrived in Denver, he decided he needed to investigate to find out what was actually going on not believing what he was told. However, meeting with Doctor Martin, and talking with Adam and Anita convinced him that it had not been a hoax. Then when he found out that his daughter was going to have a child, he was very happy and decided that the trip had in fact been worthwhile. Of course Adam had been offended that he had not been believed, but Anita was showing some skills in mediation and managed to smooth that over especially when Franklin agreed to return to Denver and leave everything in place as far as how the business was being run by his daughter and son-in-law. Once Franklin left town, Anita had a frank talk with her father-in-law.

"You don't have to worry about Adam any more."

"I don't have to worry about Adam any more? Now what makes you think I was worried about Adam?"

"Ben, we all were. He was so quiet and not quite himself. Well, if you saw him with my father, you would know he's back. I think my father was a little bit scared there for a moment when he was talking with Adam. You know how Adam lowers those eyebrows like you do, but instead of getting loud, his voice gets real low and quiet. Well, he did that, and father's voice got kind of shaky, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, I think I know what you mean. He scared him that much, did he?"

"He did, and my father doesn't scare easily."

"What did he say that made Adam so angry?"

"He questioned whether the story he told was the truth."

Ben's mouth formed an O and then he nodded. "It's not a good thing to question Adam's integrity."

"My father learned that. I don't think he'll do that again."

The two shared a conspiratorial smile. Later Ben shared the story with Hoss and with Joe, and even later with Miriam. All of them enjoyed the version he told. It made them feel good too to know that the ordeal had not left any lasting impact on Adam.

On the day of the wedding, Adam stood by Hoss as did Joe, but neither one had to catch Hoss as he smiled during the whole ceremony and never once seemed nervous. He kept smiling the whole afternoon and into the evening. He smiled right through the toasts his brothers made, the announcement his father made that he and Miriam were officially betrothed, and then he was smiling yet when he and Pamela got in the carriage for a ride to the cottage where they planned to spend a few days alone. If anything, his smile was even more pronounced when he returned to the Ponderosa with his bride. His brothers teased him, but even that couldn't erase the smile. Adam put a hand on his shoulder as Joe carried their luggage up to their bedroom.

"I'm happy for you, Hoss. I'm glad to see you a happy man. Now, I'm heading home."

"Adam, I never did thank you enough for getting me together with Pamela. Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you."

Rubbing his ribs, Adam smiled wanly. "You're welcome."

Ben and Joe laughed and Hoss grinned sheepishly.

Chapter 8

While it was still possible to fit them all in the house, Ben Cartwright wanted his whole family together for Christmas. He invited Adam and Anita to stay on the Ponderosa, and reminded them that with the family growing, it might be the last time they could accommodate everyone in the house even with all the bedrooms they had. Unable to resist that invitation, Adam agreed and packed up the carriage with everything they would need for a week and shut down the offices and gave the workers a paid vacation. Both he and Anita knew Franklin would likely not be pleased with them for that, but they had made the western half of his business exceptionally profitable and guessed he would accept what they did because of that. With a joyous spirit, they headed to the Ponderosa singing songs as they went. That's what the rest of the family heard first as they were outside hanging greenery around the entrance with the ladies adding red ribbons to make the house welcome any new arrival with a festive air.

"Glad ta see ya, older brother. I'll take care of the carriage ifn you want ta get your family inside and get your luggage inta your room. Hop Sing's got everything ready for ya. Ya got the guest room with the adjoining room. Pa figured that would be the most convenient for ya."

"Thank you. That would be wonderful."

With help from Joe, Adam collected the luggage and his family and got them into the house where it was warm. Almost as soon as Adam and Anita had settled in, it was time for Hop Sing to serve dinner. The family barely fit around the extended table, but they managed with everyone sitting close together. After that feast, everyone moved to sit around the fireplace with extra chairs brought there so that there was enough seating.

With a Bible open on his knee, Ben Cartwright read the Christmas story. His velvet voice was a staple of Christmas Eve for the Cartwright sons for it wouldn't seem like the holy day without their father reading that story. When he read the words describing Joseph and Mary and their journey to register, the words 'was with child' struck a chord with each of his sons who thought back to their own mothers and what they must have been thinking as they neared the day when their first child was to be born. Each of them knew how hard that time must have been for a woman not knowing what the future held, but for their mothers, the future held even more challenges than usual.

Leaning back in the blue chair with his hands in a steeple under his chin, Adam thought that his mother likely was afraid and hopeful when she was with child. He had heard stories of his mother from his father and from his grandfather about her spirit and her willingness to take on a challenge. However, like any mother in that situation, she would have worried about taking her tiny baby on a cross-country journey into the wilderness to pursue the dream she shared with her husband. He was sure though that she would have been excited too to follow the dream of finding a home in the west. She must have hoped they could reach for that vision they had of a home where the tall trees grew and the mountains touched the sky. Though she never got to live that dream, he had been able to live it because of her. He smiled then as he looked over at Hoss staring into the fireplace wondering if his middle brother too was thinking of his mother. He remembered her and had told Hoss many stories about her or as many as he could remember.

With his fingers laced together behind his head as he rested comfortably against the end of the settee, Hoss considered how brave his mother was to take on that journey west carrying one child and accepting the responsibility of caring for another. With the many stories Adam had told him, he knew how his mother had cared for the animals especially the young ones on the wagon train. He knew the feeling of wanting to nurture the young for he yearned to do the same. He guessed he must have gotten that from his mother and felt closer to her knowing they had some of the same feelings in their hearts even if he had no direct memories of her. Looking to his left, Hoss thought that Little Joe looked somewhat worried though and wondered why his little brother could have that look on Christmas Eve.

Of course, Little Joe was remembering some things he had heard when he was much younger, and they made him wonder now as they did earlier if his parents had wanted a girl when his mother was with child. Adam and Hoss teased him sometimes about the curls he had when he was very small and how they thought that Marie was raising him as a girl. He got mad when they did that which of course was why they did it. Knowing it didn't help though as his temper always flared when they brought up those stories. No matter how often he accused them of fabricating the tales, they never changed the stories, and his father refused to say they were lying. The only conclusion he could draw was that the stories were true. That bothered him because of the memories he did have of overhearing some conversations when he was younger. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but he had learned a lot of things by doing it. One conversation in particular bothered him because he heard Adam and Hoss talking about Marie wanting a girl, and their father had been there and not disputed the story. The thought that it could be true and that his father shared that desire haunted him at times like these because he worried that his father was disappointed that he had arrived instead of a girl. After all, his father already had two sons when Marie was with child.

Finishing the story, Ben looked across at Adam who seemed deep in thought and knew that Elizabeth would be so proud of their son. With his gentlemanly ways, natural leadership abilities, and intelligent manner, he was an invaluable asset to the ranch and to the family. His passion for his family and for anything he did would have matched his mother in those regards. Now he was creating his own dream and melding it with his father's so he was his father's son and his mother's son too. Ben could see both of them in his firstborn. As Ben's gaze shifted to Hoss, he was certain that Inger would be happy to have such a kind and gentle son. Hoss had a heart large enough to love anyone who needed it yet when it came time to fight or defend, he could be as fierce a warrior as anyone could imagine. His heart and helping hands were as big as his devotion to family and friends. Over the years, Ben felt that Adam and Hoss had saved the family many times with their courage and resourcefulness.

Then when his eyes came to rest on Little Joe, he almost smiled. His thoughts were so different as he regarded his youngest son. He had no idea that Little Joe worried that he had wanted a daughter. He and Marie had discussed it, but looking back, he was so glad that had not happened. "Thank the Lord that we had a boy, Marie. I don't know how I would ever have raised a daughter. A third son was exactly what I needed and wanted." Then Ben did smile for Little Joe was as spirited as his mother so it was as if she had never left. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he had all his wives with him with his three sons, and Christmas was that time for him to give thanks for the best gifts he had ever been given.

However on this Christmas Eve, Ben could celebrate the many other gifts he had received. Sitting by his side was the lady who had become his fourth wife, Miriam. They had married quietly with only family and close friends in attendance, but of course it was the news of the state when it happened grabbing front page headlines in the Territorial Enterprise and other newspapers. Although Miriam had kept her shop in town, she had hired enough ladies to work there that she only went there one or two days a week to supervise to make sure the work was being done and done well. As Anita walked down the stairs, Ben watched as she placed a tiny bundle in Adam's arms. After dinner, she had been upstairs nursing her son in an upstairs bedroom and letting him take a short nap. Aaron was Ben's first grandson and a healthy one. Next to Adam and Anita who sat on the arm of the chair where Adam sat with Aaron, Hoss sat and put his arm around Pamela who had told her husband the news he couldn't keep from the family that they were with child too. He had been bursting with the information and simply blurted it out during dinner much to his wife's consternation and to the amusement and congratulations of the rest of the family. That had made Christmas Eve dinner all the more joyous. Little Joe sat beside Bethany who had finally agreed to let him court her after his hard work on the ranch and in helping his brothers and father proved his growing maturity and sense of responsibility. Adam's move to working more on Franklin's corporation and less directly in the ranch had led Joe to have to take on more duties which had been good for him. The expectation was that Little Joe and Bethany would marry in the spring. Miriam had already told Ben that she and Bethany were working on the wedding dress. Joe didn't know it yet, but she was ready to say yes as soon as he asked the big question. Of course, he was nervous about asking because he was afraid she might say something other than yes so he was being as romantic as possible. Adam and Hoss were coaching him on how to approach asking the big question. His plan was to ask on Valentine's Day. The romance of that appealed to him too, and he had shared his plan with his father who had nodded and smiled knowing that it was all going to work out very well. There was a stack of brightly wrapped boxes under the tree, but Ben didn't need anything that was there. He had all that he wanted already.


End file.
